#OfficePolitics / #SundayConfessions

Sunday night: a remimder you have less than 24 hours before you go to work to have conversations like these: (1) Her: “can I borrow your foundation?” Me: “You’re white” Cue long awkward stares at each other.    (2) After a 10 min discussion about the conflict in Syria, I asked my colleague why we were […]

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One packet of prawns or three?

Whilst making the difficult decision to either buy one packet of prawns, or take the 3 for 2 deal in Tesco, a guy walks up to me, looks at me and then stands beside me. He then smiles and proceeds to wave my phone in front of me. At this stage I’m thinking there’s a […]

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One of my colleagues forgot my name, so they called me Ola

  No problem, except he’s a tall, slender Nigerian man. I’m not angry, just confused. This reminds me of the time someone said I looked like a fat Whoopi Goldberg. I understand some people don’t know many black people, but the point of references are wild and reckless. If you don’t know my name, just […]

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Well, this is awkward

I completely forgot to pull up the handbrake in my car in the petrol station, so when I got out and walked to the pump I felt my car rolling forward.  Panicking, I chased my car and tried to get in, but I lost my footing and got hit by the door, so ended up […]

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Hands up

When you’re policed by the people who hate you, there can only be one outcome. Whether it’s a travelling fun fair or the Bellagio casino, the house always wins. There’s much to be be admired from some African nations in times of conflict, but of course they’re always portrayed as uncivilised. Side note, I find […]

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Deportation fears

  This was never my life as I was a surprisingly well behaved kid until I was 16 years old. After 16….well, well, well…… For some strange reason, I foolishly told my AS General Studies teacher to go f**k herself because she asked me to do a presentation. I still maintain I was provoked.   Funnily, […]

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The positive correlation between high blood pressure and a MOT

I had my MOT done today and the mechanic created a whole heap of problems that I know weren’t an issue. To entertain myself I humoured him and asked for a quote. My guy wrote down £300 plus VAT on a piece of paper and slid it across the table. I sighed and told him […]

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Washing your hands isn’t a choice

Take a seat and let me tell you a story. My colleague and I were in the toilet at the same time. We both walked out of the toilet cubicles we were in and proceeded to walk in different directions. I walked to the sink to wash my hands whilst she walked straight out. I then […]

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Othello

I went to buy some tickets to see Othello. As I had never bought tickets from this particular theatre before, the lady at the box office asked for my details.  After giving my address, the lady slid a piece of paper towards me with a pen and asked me to write my name down as […]

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